Rejected Words

Here's a blurb that didn't make "the cut" for my book.  I think I tossed it because I thought it felt redundant; that I have perhaps made enough references to my broken vagina, my baby's facial injuries, the act of birthing him. But then it occurred to me that I might just feel that way because I still think about it so much. For example I've never once shared anything I've written about my episiotomy, unless you count this sentence. That said, I have a several thousand word labour story magnifying every aspect of my postpartum perineum in gross detail which I will eventually share here for prosperity. Also now slightly regretting not naming the book 'Postpartum Perineum'.

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Your father said, 'The head is out.'

I said, 'Why do I feel no relief?'

Suddenly slippery, warm, no hot,

Silent for a moment

And then loud

I removed the facecloth that was covering my eyes

Covered in the expected goo

But also unexpected dents and bruises and blood from the scrapes on your head

Temporary facial palsy

A seven pound human and a three pound organ

Possibly some feces, I didn't ask

The only blood I saw was on my hand after I touched you for the first time

But I never once looked at the floor

I was happy my body was as badly beaten or else I may have felt too guilty

Despite your aching face you found your way to feed

Drinking yourself to your birthweight, shrinking my swollen uterus

Knowing exactly how to help my body learn

How to function again